Those Hard Conversations (Pent 17B)

 

Take a moment and remember the last hard conversation you participated in. Or perhaps a hard conversation you have to have and just haven’t done it.

 

What is it about these conversations that make them hard?

They are usually uncomfortable, have the potential to get out of control, can hurt feelings or put a wedge in a relationship.  They are full of emotion, opinion, anxiety, and fear. Left undone such conversations are the proverbial ‘elephant in the room.’ Once done there is often a sense of relief.

 

One of the hardest moments in pastoring -for me- happened many years ago in this space. I stood before the church family and had to share with the congregation that a loved member-- who one week was in church full of vigour and planning the next property project-- was in the hospital, had a brain tumour, and was given a few short weeks to live. The member didn’t want a fuss and was not wanting visits. The member was not going to burden the congregation with the knowledge --- but as hard as the task was for me to tell the church family and prepare us for death, the member’s closest friends had had the hard conversation to get permission to share the news with the congregation. Having the conversation in this space let us pray for the member and their family, to give thanks, to tell stories, to offer support, and to start to grieve.

 

 Why is it that human beings have difficulty communicating information and having conversations that matter? There are a host of topics that fall under the heading of ‘hard conversation.’

 

 

The past few weeks, have you noticed the conversations Jesus has been having with his disciples, and others?

Jesus has had a difficult and public conversation with the Pharisees about interpretation and practice of the Law. The disciples are being accused of setting a poor example of how to live the Law, and Jesus is being held responsible.  Jesus turns the conversation back to the Pharisees pointing out that it is not what is put in that defiles a body but what comes out; pointing fingers back at the Pharisees for their un-godlike actions. This was an important and hard conversation in Jesus’ day.  It centered around the heart of a whole peoples’ relational covenant with God, and involved the religious leaders beliefs, practices, and politics.

A week later, we heard, that Jesus has had a difficult conversation initiated by a Syrophoenician woman, who disagrees with Jesus’ behaviour and challenges Jesus’ gatekeeping of God’s healing and grace. She argues that she too is included in God’s kindom.

The next few passages we hear from the Gospel of Mark, has Jesus as the initiator of difficult conversations. Jesus asks the disciples, “Who do you say that I am?” and then talks about the cost of discipleship. Jesus puts Peter in his place, ‘Get behind me, Satan.’ Jesus talks of his death -again- and  commends the disciples to a generous hospitality of welcome, welcoming the least. In the next chapter of Mark, Jesus’ hard conversation speaks to the disciples to allow other people, not Jesus’ followers, to cast out demons. Then tackles a conversation about sin.

 

Our continued reading of the Gospel of Mark illustrates a continued engagement with hard conversations.  In chapters 8, 9, and 10 there is a pattern: Jesus predicts his death, the disciples misunderstand, Jesus readjusts and explains in a different way.  Jesus’ continued  attempts at hard conversations is a timely reminder of the hard conversations facing Jesus’ followers today; hard conversations that need to be had in this space and with people outside these walls. Conversations we need to have with ourselves as we consider for whom we vote tomorrow in the Federal election.

 

In coming weeks -from now through the end of November- the calendar is full of days that have been set aside to remind us and draw us back to ‘those hard conversations’ – noted are: International Day of Peace, Orange shirt day, National Day of Vigils for Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, World Mental Health Day, Day for the Eradication of Poverty, Restorative Justice Week, National Housing Day, and International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.  There is much to be said and done in response to these ‘hard conversations.’

 

Jesus’ conversations speak to the how of approaching hard conversations. You will have noticed that Jesus and the disciples have done a lot of travelling where they have stepped aside from the crowds; they have been back and forth across the Sea more than once; the Gospel writer has written, ‘while on the road,’ ‘coming to Capernaum,’ and so on... Jesus and the disciples have had time alone, where Jesus teaches them, where they chat as they walk along.  The talk is circular with Jesus introducing the hard conversation of his death, letting it rest awhile and the conversation drift to something else, to be returned to later on. The conversation needs to be had but not all at once; bit by bit with time to ruminate.

 

We have learned much from Jesus’ approach:

With the Pharisees Jesus illustrates a calm disposition and a presence of mind with a well thought out articulation of his view point.  Jesus’ response is not defensive. Jesus asks good questions to engage the Pharisees trained brains.

With the Syrophoenician woman Jesus listens, opening his heart and mind to the possibility of change. Confronted and challenged Jesus remains non-anxious.

Jesus’ hard conversations include outside opinion and resources, using a wealth of scripture to influence his thought and actions. Questions are welcomed and encouraged. In the text, it never appears that conversations are rushed or hasty and Jesus accepts that there will be interruptions along the way. Jesus also speaks truth in love.  And finally note that in each conversation there is hope -Gospel- to be found.

We can take what we have witnessed in Jesus’ hard conversations and translate the ‘how’ to our own lives and the conversations needed in our world today. As Jesus’ followers, Jesus has taught us how to have difficult conversations. It is now our responsibility to model and initiate such conversations. The art of conversation has been lost, or at least hijacked for the moment by raw emotion, as seen recently in the escalation of rallies and protests that include violence.

 

I read a great line this week written by Garret Kell, a Baptist pastor in Virginia. He wrote, “A healthy church should be like a living room.”  I don’t know how you use your living room, but the one at the parsonage is a welcoming and safe place where family, friends, and others gather: to read, to write, to enjoy coffee, to have conversation – even debate, to tell secrets, to share feelings, to relax with a glass of wine, to unwind from being out and about, to cozy in on the couch by the fire, to share each other’s company, to play with a grandchild, to solve the world’s problems with big ideas, to tackle serious conversations, to sit in silence and share grief, to embrace, to soak in the love of those around us. The living room is a space of relationship. I like to think of it as the fullness of love.

 

This week let us as a church family, followers of Jesus, take to heart the hard conversations Jesus had in his time; and the call on us to have hard conversations around the issues of the day. Let us create safe places – be a living room- where hard conversations can happen; in our own homes, in this church home, in the living room of a coffee shop, or the neighbourhood , or the town hall meeting. Do not lose hope, you are not alone. Go into the world and expand God’s living room until it is full to overflowing in the fullness of love.