Then Gospel Happened (Pent 19B)

 

The past few weeks we have engaged with Jesus in ‘hard conversations.’  This morning  another ‘hard conversation’ is presented in the Gospel text. Let me begin with a true story from my ministry and then reflect through it on the text.

Years ago a young couple -just out of high school- came to me asking to be married. The couple had known each other most of their lives, had dated through high school, and were going to have a baby. The bride-to-be was connected to  the church and the groom-to-be was connected to another church in the community; not that either church saw them as they lived outside the community.  The parents of the couple were known to the church communities and to me.

When I received the phone call from the couple, I set a date for our first pre-marriage conversation together, pushing the date as far into the future as possible without looking rude. To be honest I was not so comfortable with the thought: both bride-and-groom-to-be were immature, not just young, but, emotionally all over the place, flippant in attitude, unable to settle in their own being -let alone as a couple, and living in fantasy worlds of their own creation.

Then the Gospel appeared.

Both sets of parents came to me to talk; they had already talked with each other; and assumed I had reservations too.

The parents asked that I proceed with the marriage even though it was far from ideal. Neither set of parents expected the relationship to work; no one in the community felt it would work. Both sets of parents regardless of the outcome were committed to picking up the pieces, being there for their children, and for the little one yet to be born. The reason they were in favour of letting the marriage go ahead was in order to keep relationship with their children and future grandbaby.

The bride-and-groom-to-be were stubborn and were going to get married regardless of the acceptance of family or friends; to try to stop them would be to cut off relationship – the young couple would simply walk away, sever ties, with those who loved them.

Out of unconditional love, the family stood with their children and the children’s decision, prepared to live the wedding vows that the couple were unlikely to fulfill: in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.  The parents would work to keep relationship and commit to offering love and healing through whatever brokenness arose in the future.

 

The Pharisees came to Jesus asking, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? 

Jesus’ response: because of your hardness of heart Moses wrote this commandment for you.  According to the Law, interpreted in a black and white kind of way, the answer is ‘yes.’ But, how often in matters of relationship is the answer all yes or all no.  The Law was not as simple as, ‘a man can divorce his wife.’ Addendums to the Law included: a list of circumstances or reasons why, the process of how to do the paper work (so to speak), rules around the division of assets, and ramifications for future marriages. Although technically the answer is ‘yes,’  there is a whole lot of in between that is grey and murky.  The Law addresses divorce with a set of rules to be applied and administered. It doesn’t take into account the human component or address broken relationship.

I wonder whether the Pharisees come to Jesus with this query in an attempt to diminish marriage to a contract subjugated to law, and in so doing , to assuage the crappy feelings that go along with broken relationship. How many of the Pharisees gathered around Jesus on that day where wrestling with broken or breaking relationships with their wives? Who felt guilty, betrayed, angry, hurt, spurned, unloved, disrespected, or powerful, in control, ready to move on...

Then the Gospel appeared.

Jesus draws the conversation back to the beginning: What God has joined together, let no one separate. Going back to the beginning is the reminder of creation and that God called it good, male and female God created them and called them good. From there, because the Pharisees have mentioned the Law, Jesus points to Moses. Jesus’ argument hinges on the purpose of the Law, covenant living between God, people, and creation; where love of God and love neighbour are spoken of in relational terms. To ask the question, the way the Pharisees did, was to negate the intent and spirit of the Law, and what it means to live in covenant.

Jesus is not writing a rule book for the Pharisees, there is already an adequate Law; it is the interpretation of that Law where work is to continue and humans are to take responsibility.  This is a hard conversation wherein, as Prof. Luis Menendez-Antuana of Boston University School of Theology says, ”Jesus advocates for a theology that reinforces the durability of the marital bond.”  Jesus advocates for a theology saturated in the hope that broke relationships and broken people, can experience healing, compassion, forgiveness.

For the family I spoke of earlier, the marriage tanked, but the families stayed in relationship. The grandchild was part of both sides of the family.  The couple although not speaking to each other for a period of time, remained civil with each other and in time, had shared moments with their child, and could have coffee conversation to agree on parenting approaches.  This would not have happened without a family who counseled, mediated, stayed in touch, and continued in conversation with the in-laws.

The reality is that separation and divorce are very much a part of human experience. Broken relationships affect all of us.

 

In my last year of high school I took a sociology course. I vividly remember one class: a class of 30 teenagers had just read a chapter on the various ways adults choose to group themselves into partnerships and relationships. The book covered everything from swingers, polyamory, singlehood, through monogamy (same sex and heterosexual), continuing into the next chapter with conversation about household units and family groupings.  Needless to say, the class participated in a lively conversation that included the pros and cons to various partnerships, with added stories of watching the adults in our lives and dissecting their relationships.

Then Gospel happened.

The last word came from a student whose family had emigrated from China. She shared with us that her parents were an arranged marriage.  When her parents were married, they did not know each other, other than having tea together in their family homes with relatives all around. There first private conversation was after the wedding ceremony.  What the student shared was a story of two people having to work together to form and grow a relationship --- they had continued support from their families. In the end, although she admitted it was not always the case for arranged marriages, her parents grew to love each other deeply. When asked if she  would marry someone she chose or enter an arranged marriage, she said that she would be comfortable with either; because partnership started in either manner would be a commitment to conversation, friendship, and working together on relationship.

Then Gospel happened.

Jesus’ conversation about divorce, Jesus’ conversation about and with children- also heard this morning; was Jesus’ advocating that followers of Jesus were committing to live covenant lives, lives that focus on connection.  Jesus was saying that laws, at least in the way they were being applied, were lacking. The standard for God-fearers, God-followers, and God-bearers is much higher than the law prescribes. 

 

I started with the story of the young couple whose marriage broke part because despite their divorce, relationships were protected, advocated for, healed, given compassion, forgiveness, mutual respect, hope, and a future with promise for all members involved. In-laws became family who worked together, support was given to the broken couple, a grandchild had all their relations to help them grow, the couple learned to respect each other, and in time work together for the sake of their child. Amidst a broken relationship, there was abundant hope, healing, and love.

Then Gospel happened.

I hope it appears in you. I hope it appears through you. I hope it is worked out of you.

...that everywhere you, ... and I go... 

that our encounters heal some of the brokenness found in human relationships; our own relationships and the relationships of those around us.  

In all our interactions with others, may we leave in our wake, hope, healing, and love.