Friday, November 5, 2021

Drawn In: Speaking to Compounded Grief

 

Isaiah 25: 6-9


A day is a perfect piece of time/to live a life, /to plant a seed, /to watch the sun go by.

A day starts early, /work to do, /beneath a brand-new sky. / A day brings hope.

 

It was one of those days, a day with lots of time to spare and nowhere to be. It was February and I found myself meandering through a village, where I walked into an interesting shop. There was the aroma of coffee and tea biscuits with herbs and cheese; the displays were curated in an artsy sort of way, with themes and colour and curiousities. There was a little of this and a little of that. There was something for every kind of browser.

That day I was drawn to a children’s book with a black and white and yellow cover: it was graced with Nikki McClure’s simple and expressive drawings throughout, and a poem. Cynthia Rylant begins her book, All in A Day, with the words I started with this morning.

 

A day is a perfect piece of time/to live a life, /to plant a seed, /to watch the sun go by.

A day starts early, /work to do, /beneath a brand-new sky. / A day brings hope.

 

For whatever reason, - the colour, the drawings, the words of the book,- drew me in and  spoke to something deep inside me. I needed the words and drawings of the book at that precise moment of time.

 

I often feel like that as I read the lessons in preparation to preach each Sunday. Sometimes I am even surprised on Sunday morning when the scriptures are read and I hear the texts in a new way – the right words for that precise moment in time. I am even more conscious of the texts chosen and used at funerals and gravesides.  

The truth on that is that I do think of the person who died, their family and friends, but I also think of the words that I will need to hear at that precise moment in time. My heart breaks too.

 

This has been one of those years when grief has caught up to me. What I mean by that is that grief is cumulative; one death lays beside another in the heart, other griefs and losses are tucked in too; and sometimes grief accumulates faster than the heart can heal. What I found the hardest this year is that, when my heart is full of grief, I experience a greater grief. Compounded grief for me is the death of what I know as perpetual optimism and never-ending creativity; two traits that are the very mechanisms that I use to cope with grief.      

 

Today – this precise moment in time- is important. We are given a gift of time and space to articulate that we have broken hearts, raw and fresh grief, and grieves that linger on. Of all the years in the lectionary readings, this one, talks about tears: God wiping away tears, Jesus weeping at the death of his friend Lazarus. We have been gifted with a moment in time when tears are okay; tears can be shed, shared, and welcomed.

We are also gifted this morning with words -whether in hymn, scripture, or story – meant to draw us in and to speak to the places deep inside us: relaxing the grip of grief and nurturing room for seeds of hope.

 

The passage that we heard from Isaiah draws me with its poetry and its articulation of the griefs and fears of human beings the world over, by not mentioning the places of death and loss, -the fuelers of grief-, but rather, boldly expressing a jubilant counter-possibility.

On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich foods, a feast of well-aged wines … God will destroy the shroud that is cast over all peoples, the sheet that is spread over all nations … God will swallow up death forever … God will wipe away the tears from all faces

In this jubilant counter-possibility, the fears, griefs, and ills of our time are healed:

Hunger, food insecurity, unequitable distribution of resources, war, conflict, refugees, displaced persons, climate change, greed, individualism … gone; swallowed up forever.

 

At first when I hear the words of Isaiah, my heart receives them to speak to what I consider personal grief, to speak words of promise of no more tears, eternal life where all is made right – speaking to the sadness of being without people who meant (mean) a lot to me. Hearing these words in community, with all of you, my grief is mine, but, for the same people and others, you too grieve – part of our grief is shared.

And in the passage of Isaiah, directed at a community of faith, the words penetrate more deeply to sow seeds in the dirt of cumulative grief, and grief that is beyond any one person, griefs born and worn by peoples, nations, and creation through the hands of powers and systems.

 

In this precious moment of time, I pray that something draws you in and speaks to the grief you carry -scripture, story, hymn- the flicker of a candle, the nod of a friend when Christ’s peace is shared; in the breaking of bread; in the offering of prayer; in a tear shed in the safety of this place; in knowing that you are not alone.

 

Your ears, listening to the ramblings of my heart, have eased the grief I bear. Each time I am in this space with you  -praying, reading, hearing, singing, eating, sharing- a little bit of the grief in my heart turns to compost, and seeds of hope planted there grow; waiting for the return of perpetual optimism and never-ending creativity…

until that time, and the time when the fullness of Isaiah’s jubilant counter-possibility is realized, I will live as Cynthia’s book, All in a Day, ends:

This day will soon be over/and it won’t come back again.

So live it well, make it count, / fill it up with you.

The day’s all yours, it’s waiting now … / See what you can do.

 

 

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