The Holy Enterprise of Friendship

 There is no greater way to show love to friends than to die in their place. You are my friends if you walk in my ways and do what I say. I no longer see you as servants but as friends. Masters do not share their hearts and plans with their servants, but I have shown you everything I heard from my Father. -John 15: 13-15 FNV

This week I was reminded of a time when autograph books were a thing. These little books, also called friendship albums, were traditionally exchanged among friends, colleagues, and classmates. The books gathered names and signatures, and included lines of poetry, drawings, quotes. I never had one. My generation used school year books in a similar way, gathering and writing signatures, quips, etcetera in each other’s books.

I had a quote that I always used, and I wrote it along the binding seam of a page:

May the hinges of friendship never rust, nor the wings of love lose a feather.

I liked this quote because it acknowledged the connection between myself and the owner of the book. It also felt to me like a connection that could go on indefinitely even if we went our separate ways for school, or work. Connection – friendship- was important.

I learned much later on that the quote was written some 150 years ago by Edward Ramsay a clergyman of the Scottish Episcopal Church. In his Wikipedia biography it says, among other accomplishments, that he co-wrote a book with his friend Cosmo Innes, who was a judge and historian. The biography for Cosmo Innes also mentions that he was friends with Edward. There is something special about being remembered 150 years later as a friend; sharing friendship.

 

Today’s Gospel speaks of friendship.

Once again, we are hearing words from Jesus’ farewell discourse with the disciples. This conversation about friendship is connected to the statement “I AM the Vine, you are the branches.” Jesus is expanding the disciple’s understanding of their relationships – with him, each other, and the wider world; because of our friendship with Jesus, friendship is a holy enterprise.

On this side of Easter, bearing in mind Jesus’ words about friendship, we pause to reflect on Jesus’ walk to the cross and the days following his death. What do we learn about friendship from Jesus’ final days?

 

Friendship as a holy enterprise is cultivated in food, fishing, and fellowship.

 

FOOD

Over COVID there were a couple of community events that ranked at the top of the list for what was most missed: Holy Communion, Easter breakfast, and Christmas potluck. Notice all three centre around sharing a community meal. Food warms our stomachs and our hearts. Food is sustenance, both physical and spiritual. Communal meals are a sharing of experience and resources. Food is a conduit for fellowship.

Jesus’ Last Supper and dinner conversation with the disciples gave new meaning to the shared meal. Easter appearances – on reaching Emmaus the pair on the road invited the stranger to join them for a meal and it is in the breaking of bread they recognized Jesus. Jesus appeared again meeting the disciples for a breakfast of fish on the beach. Drawing on the Last Supper and resurrection meals, the Early church gathered around meals, bread and wine, giving everyone equality at the table. Sharing a meal where everyone had a chance to eat regardless of socio-economic status. Food brings people together –

Consider how it is on a Sunday morning with coffee and cookies. The coffee and cookies are the incentive or perhaps excuse to hang around and chat, to get to know each other. And when we leave we are satisfied – spiritually and emotionally. We depart as more than acquaintances, we are friends.

 

FISHING

There are a few things I know about fishing. When we go to Owen Sound to visit Tim’s dad, I often take a run past a river. Both sides are lined with individual fishermen, each with their own lawn chair and fishing paraphernalia. Those fishing are close enough to see each other to be connected, a peaceful co-existence, but far enough apart to not get in each other’s way. After a nod or simple ‘hello’ the fishermen are content to sit in silence, to share the experience of the weather, the river, and the activity as time passes by.

Are the fishermen friends – do they consider each other such? They are more than acquaintances. They know specific details of each others fishing techniques, how patient each other is, what each eats or drinks, what each does when no one else is looking. They are friends; a friendship comfortable, in fact demanding, a silent sitting together in an experience.

This has me think of Joseph of Arimathea, one whom the Bible says followed silently (or in secret) from a distance. He considered Jesus a friend, for who else would one quietly go to Pilate, ask for Jesus’ body, and then bury it in his own tomb.

 

From what I have gathered about bigger enterprises – boat fishing with nets and crews; like James and John the sons of Zebedee along with Peter and Andrew – crews work side-by-side at the task without much talking, rhythmically working the cadence of the job, knowing one’s roll in the crew.

In a resurrection appearance Jesus is in the presence of the disciples and asks for something to eat; he is given a piece of fish. In another appearance Jesus is on the shore of the Sea of Galilee with breakfast prepared. I assume that the disciples who were called from their fishing nets have in some capacity gone back to work. They have fish to share, fruit from the labours of friendship.

Friendship happens in everyday life, working together- finding your place in the crew- to make a living and complete the tasks at hand. This has me think of the women -the group of friends- who go to the tomb to do for their friend Jesus what was customary when someone died. To love and care for the body, to grieve together.

 

FELLOWSHIP

The friendship albums I mentioned earlier, first appeared in German regions around Wittenburg mid-16^th Century. They were favoured by academics who used their friendship albums as a sort of reference list, collecting names, ideas, beliefs. The books connected people from one university to the next. It allowed academics private conversation among like-minded people - the curious, the thought provokers, the reformers, free thinkers- friends could share innovative ideas. Later the practice of university fellowships would be born. The friendship albums reminded people they were not alone, they belonged to a wider community -a friendly association, a company of equals.

Immediately following Jesus’ death, the disciples gathered in a fellowship behind locked doors. The disciples had shared an overwhelming experience. They were afraid. They were sad and they grieved together. They prayed and sang hymns. And probably spent time quietly holding space for each other.

Jesus appears to them when they are together, and then again so Thomas would be present – Jesus could have visited Thomas alone, but waited until the disciples were gathered in fellowship. When appearing to his friends Jesus did not point fingers at them for what had done, or not done: the denying knowing him, the cowardly running away, or the hiding behind closed doors, rather, in friendship Jesus offered forgiveness and understanding, saying “Peace be with you.” Jesus modeled the healing power of friendship.

In friendship the disciples supported and learned from each other, coming to a place where their fellowship strengthened them to go out together, becoming a fellowship of Apostles that witnessed to the Good News in the streets.

 

Friendship was cultivated in food, fishing, and fellowship.

What ills of today’s world are or could be healed through friendship?

 

Friendship albums – autograph books- were popular with children in Norway during the Nazi occupation of WWII. The books were filled with quick expressions of feeling and thoughts in poems and illustrations that expressed resistance, drawing of Norwegian flags, and quotes about nature. The friendship albums supported children emotionally, helping them to process and integrate the chaos around them, and give them hope for another day.

 

Jesus and the disciples illustrate the power of friendship.

I believe that friendship is a concrete holy action that we can take to birth resurrection into the world.

We as followers of Jesus, by Jesus’ example, in friendship with him --- are chosen to cultivate friendships -so that we help people process and integrate the chaos of the world and resurrect that which is life-giving, grow hope and connection and love.

In all your doings this week, focus on participating in the holy enterprise of friendship.

 

You may think you chose me, but I am the one who chose you. You are my new garden where I will grow a great harvest of my love---fruit that remains. …  Walk the road of love with each other.  -John 15: 16-17 FNV