Unbound: See I am Making All Things New

 When was the last time you saw a roadside memorial or put flowers or teddy bear at a pop-up memorial?

After the death of a young woman at the Halifax Walmart, it didn’t take long for a public memorial to form. In the parking lot around a light standard there are flowers, and teddy bears, and cards. Placed there by people from the wider community, not knowing the girl, but needing to do something with the emotions being felt.  

 

When was the last time you took yourself on a date?

Every year, on the same day, I take myself out or do something special for my non-birthday. A non-birthday is any day but, your actual birthday. I have chosen a date that I celebrate my non-birthday. I celebrate me. I go on a date with myself.

 

When was the last time you asked your friends to talk about you?

This past week I saw an episode of Blue Bloods. The main characters are in one family, a family that gets together for Sunday dinner. At dinner the grandfather shares a story about a funeral he attended for a friend. Lots of nice things were said about the friend, but he felt sad afterward because his friend didn’t get to hear all that was said. So, the grandfather asked those gathered around the table to participate in a ‘living wake.’ Everyone around the table shared what they would say if they were at grandpa’s wake right then.

 

Welcoming disquieted emotions. Dating yourself. And living wakes.

 

For the past week I have been thinking about grief and sadness, considering those who have lost loved ones this year, and those living in amplified scenarios of violence, war, climate events, and restrictive regimes. What words of good news can be preached into hearts wrapped in grief and spirits saturated in sadness?

 

In my role as pastor, I have stood by, sat with, accompanied, prayed for, prayed with, guided, supported, wanted to support, those who are grieving, those who carry sadness from all kinds of loss. My professional opinion is that grief and sadness are always with us, each of us. Just as connection and happiness are always with us, each of us. In a manner of speaking, we share a dinner table, where over the course of the meal some speak more or louder than others. Some days sadness gets the floor, other times connection, and so on. What I have learned from listening to people and participating in the grief journeys of others is that people have unrealistic expectations, are often swallowed up by fear, and people are not compassionate with themselves. Unrealistic expectations. How do we get it into our heads that grief is a set of stages that fall in sequential order and can be ticked off once complete? How do we come to believe that life will settle out and resemble what it used to be and go back to normal?

Swallowed by fear. Why are we so afraid of crying in public? Why do we feel guilty for what the ifs or what we should/could have done? Why do we feel shame that others will find out we are not coping, or that we are grieving different or too slow? Why do we feel a need to keep busy so we don’t feel emotions or lack the thereof? Why do we dread future days and how we will be, when those days aren’t even here?

Not compassionate with ourselves. Where does that feeling of having to do something come from? Where did we get the idea that we just need to be stronger or pull ourselves together? Where did we loss compassion for ourselves and not allow ourselves a stay in bed day, or the permission to be sad?

 

If I was to write a book about the journey of grief it would have three sections: Welcoming disquieted emotions, dating yourself, and living wakes.

In my ponderings, two phrases specifically spoke to me from this morning’s scriptures:

Speaking to the mourners at the tomb of Lazarus. Jesus said to them, Unbind him, and let him go. Jn 11: 44

In the summation of Revelation, the author has God say, See, I am making all things new. Rev 21.

Unbind him and let him go. See, I am making all things new.

 

Unbind him and let him go – I picture the scene of Jesus telling those around a risen Lazarus to unbind him. Lazarus wrapped in earth covered cloth, with a smell of decay. The words are for the mourners, not for Lazarus. And I wonder if the words are more than just for that moment. ‘Unbind him.’ It is not long into the future when Jesus dies, and the women find the tomb empty. What do the disciples do? They go and hide in an upper room behind locked doors, in a grief bound by fear.  Binding themselves in a way: acting from fear they hide, put up barriers, close themselves off, and bind Jesus, relocating him back to the world of the dead. In time the disciples open the door. Opening themselves they are whelmed by the spirit. Casting off fear, they unbind themselves and in this unbinding Jesus is also unbound, set free as they share the Good News of his death and resurrection.

Unbind him and let him go –

When is the last time you unbound yourself and let yourself go?

Welcoming disquieted emotions. Dating yourself.  A living wake.

Jesus’ words offer the grieving permission to grieve, and the words commend a continued posture of walking with grief, or in other words building a grief muscle. Last week I spoke about setting one’s shoulders to face the world with a posture of Grace. The posture of grace has many facets, one being a release from bondage – being set free.

 

Unbind him and let him go -

Welcome disquieted emotions. This unbinding is about giving permission to yourself to take the time to feel. Rather than staying busy and putting flowers on a pop-up memorial - acting, this posture of walking with grief has one stop, and give time and quiet space for one’s grief wrapped heart and sad-saturated spirit to suffer through the emotions. To be unbound, grief and sadness need time and a quieting space.

Disquieted emotions are good for it means you are concerned, engaged, and care for people and are aware of the events happening in the wider world. It is good to be sad, it means you have loved deeply that which has been lost. It is good to be sad, it means you lived outside of fear. It is good to be sad, it means that you were full of hopes and dreams and life.

 

Unbind him and let him go – see I am making all things new.

Date yourself. This unbinding is about letting go of other’s expectations on you, dropping the expectations you have placed on yourself, honouring and letting go of your identity connected with who or that which you have lost, and discovering who you are becoming. This posture of walking with grief sets one’s shoulders to nurture hopes, recreate dreams, and embrace new purpose and meaning for life.

I shared the non-birthday date story with you because I have found that many people are afraid to be by themself, afraid to find out what lies inside, afraid that they will find that they are not enough. To unbind oneself from this fear is to walk through the shadow of the valley of death and grief. And rest assured, you are enough. You are enough and Christ -risen Jesus- is there in the shadow waiting. Christ with God’s words will say, see I am making all things new. You are my beloved in you I am well pleased. Let your light so shine. In Christ you are set free. You are free indeed.

 

See I am making all things new –

Living wakes. This posture of grace is about hearing in the now, from those who love and know you the best, that you are enough, you are free, that Christ has set you free. Holding a living wake reminds us that we matter, that our lives have affected the lives of those around us. It shares with loved ones that we are unbound, that it is normal to dance with grief, sadness, connection, and happiness. It is okay to talk about death. Living wakes allow us to be unbound and share with others that grief is always present at the table and in the disquieted emotions that arise, we have settled deep within us a confidence and hope in Christ, see I am making all things new.

 

 

O Lord, support us all the day long of this troubled life, until the shadows lengthen and the evening comes and the busy world is hushed, the fever of life is over, and our work is done. Then, in your mercy, grant us a safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. – ELW pg 325