The weather outside has pretty much been rainy and that is what the weather calls for for the upcoming week. Outside rain can be rationalized: the flowers need it, it makes the grass bright green, it gives me good hair days, a cup of tea tastes so good (to take off the chill); at some level it makes us connect with being "rugged Canadians"; for those in the country wells are not running dry.... in rain grace can be found.
Where it is harder to find grace is in a house where the weather changes 4 or 5 times a day; chalk it up to teenage hormones, having to make life-choices, past baggage, parenting boo-boos, depression (seasonal affective disorder), asserting ones independence, wanting excitement...what does one wear when facing weather like this?
I'm seriously thinking about wearing my yellow slicker inside to give a hint to eveyrone that I am prepared for whatever they want to through my way. Would seeing mom in a yellow slicker make one stop and think before hailing insults?
Many parents speak of remembering earlier images of their children sleeping peacefully, little smiles on their faces. Those memories are not in an adoptive parent's bag of tricks, as sleeping for children who have been in care is usually sporadic and animated with movement or night terrors.
Present storms are like tornadoes, where there is calm, followed by horrendous wind, chaos, then clean up. Sometimes the next sotrm comes before clean up is barely finished.
Grace is hard to find.
I keep looking, extending a hand, in search for freedom, peace for my children...grace is the enduring hope in the centre of my being, believing that all will be OK.
Tomorrow the clouds may part and the sun come out.
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