Part 2: GOOD FRIDAY

   -Lying down in front of altar, where fell asleep on Maundy Thurs.

Was that a rooster crowing?  It is morning right?  (Pause, stretch, on one elbow)

I did hear a rooster, could it be true that Peter denied Jesus? Was Peter asked to go to death with him?  Is he –Jesus -really going to die?    *sigh*

I’m staying put in this thinking spot, under the shelter of the olive trees and the growth underneath.  I’m in no hurry to be seen on the street; not after last night. 

On falling asleep last night, I remember dreaming that today, if Jesus was the Messiah, the world as we know it could look very different.

It is damp this morning, grey, seeping into every bone.  Voices carry through the mist, sitting heavy in the moisture.  I can hear the screaming of a crowd, like a fog horn,  “crucify, crucify” .....talk about a bad dream!

It must be that crazy crowd from last night; revved up from Passover, a little too much wine to drink, a depravity of sleep ...it wasn’t a dream after all.  They came with torches to take away Jesus, a man’s ear was cut off and healed, there was confusion...and here I sat to think and pray, and as always I fell asleep.  ...I fell asleep thinking of Jesus, and a dream that yet could be.

[I spent] a summer by [his] side

 [He] filled my days with endless wonder

 He took my childhood in his stride

 But he was gone when autumn came   -Herbert Kretzmer - I DREAMED A DREAM

He was speaking to us when the crowd came, Judas leading them.  It was a talk that sounded like autumn, the coming of cold weather, suffering, angst, sorrow, departure; there would be no more healings, no more signs, no more wonders.  The hope giving was over for the season.  It didn’t sound like a speech to coral the troops, and inspire us on to be, as Jesus said, “the ones who will sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.”

*shiver*

The birds have fallen silent, the breeze has stopped -the trees breathless, the suffocating calm before the storm.  Darkness is creeping through the garden, eating broad daylight in its wake. And the ground continues to quake ...I fear the worst...

“My God, My God why have you forsaken us...your people, one more time.”

Is it not enough?  Is it not finished?

I’m not sure I have any more hope with which to dream.  I’m tired of seeking a Messiah.  I am spent. Tired.

I really thought that Jesus was the ONE...but no...

Maybe the story of covenant promise is just that -story.  Sure in the coming days, I’ll go through the motions of following the law, loving my neighbour half heartedly; but no feeling it.  My emotions are done.  Broken relationships and the death of hope leave me in the desert, where there are demons, poisonous snakes, and wild things.

*looking around*    Speaking of wild...

I’m going to seek shelter from this storm...ominous weather it is; the sky as black as tar, still yet brewing...in the forecast -hail, driving rain?  I am also running to hide from those who may come looking for us, Jesus’ followers –since it appears all has turned sour.  Our hopes dashed.  *standing*

Winter is settling in, I can feel it in my bones, my heart aches... all is not right in the world.  It’s as if the world has been abandoned by God.  Perhaps God is dead?

I had a dream my life would be

 So different from this hell I’m living

So different now from what it seems

 Now life has killed the dream I dreamed  -Herbert Kretzmer - I DREAMED A DREAM